Good News
The good news I’ve been waiting seven years for—that a legit publisher, She Writes Press, wants to publish Raver Girl—happened in the early weeks of the Covid-19 pandemic. I’d been offered a spot for fall 2021 publication and was dragging my heels because my husband and I were figuring out if we could afford to invest in my book baby. I was newly pregnant, and lethargy was kicking in, while the headlines of a deadly virus were trickling in. I was also in the midst of potty training my 2.5-year-old son.
Then, I started having a miscarriage—my second one in eight months. I knew it was a miscarriage at six weeks because after already having one, you just know. My husband and I were devastated, ignoring what was happening in the rest of the world while we fought and cried, feeling the agony of lost hope. As we pulled ourselves together, the world was getting sicker. My son’s last week of school for an unforeseen amount of time ended with him having the sniffles.
Soon after the Bay Area’s sheltering in place order, my son came down with a cold. That weekend, I started sneezing and had a sore throat. I wasn’t bleeding from the miscarriage anymore, but a new anxiety was in full force: I was afraid my son and I had this mysterious virus that was killing people. My husband also started feeling crappy. I called a Kaiser nurse the following Monday because I was a snotty sobbing mess, no longer afraid of losing an unborn child, but fearful of losing my alive child, my husband, and myself. I had to wait the longest I’ve ever had to for an advice nurse—50 minutes—but after speaking with the nurse I was optimistic because we didn’t have Covid-19 symptoms. She said to call back if symptoms got worse, which they didn’t.
Phew. What the hell is going on? This is so fucked up.
It wasn’t until I pulled myself together (again) that I learned I may have missed out on getting published with She Writes Press because the limited spots were full. Life got in the way, and hey, that happens. But a miscarriage and a pandemic and a new world don’t happen all the time. After more tears and being more aggressive, the publisher granted me a spot. I couldn’t believe it: I had good news when bad news was omnipresent. I still haven’t had a celebratory glass of bubbly, or an edible, because my cold turned into a sinus infection and I’ve been on antibiotics, slowly getting back to my physically healthy self. But, man, I’m just happy to be alive to be able to experience the publishing of my book.
What sheltering week are we on? Has it all been blurry for you too? I’ve never experienced a time when life was hard for everyone everywhere. This collective pain is more real than we were ever prepared for. Covid-19 is hurting everyone, everywhere, but I believe we’ll learn about ourselves and humanity in the process, and come out of this stronger. I know from Raver Girl that when you’re feeling broken, inner-strength can be found, and it can power you through.
I wanted to share my pain from before Covid-19 consumed life. I also wanted to share my good news, which is a result of perseverance and passion, traits that can help us during this trying time. Home lockdown with my incredible family has been volatile and screaming at worst, but creative and laughing at best. And now, I can focus my Raver Girl efforts, create this website, launch social, and polish my manuscript to finally share with the world, albeit a very changed world.
PLUR,
Ms. Red